Strategizing the Ukrainian Way

A and B are about to drive to the store for groceries. A stands by the door while B studies a map of Kyiv.

A: Well, I’m heading out to start the car…

B: Wait. How exactly are we getting there?

A (puzzled): How’s that, how? By road.

B: Which road?

A (leaning over the map): Well, first down Obolon Avenue, and then we’ll see.

B: “We’ll see”? I need an exact route.

A: It’s simple—Obolon Avenue, Krasnykh Kazakov Avenue, the Moscow Bridge…(moving toward the door)

B: Are you out of your mind! The Moscow Bridge is a parking lot at this hour!

A (coming back): Fine—Novokostiantynivska, then Naberezhno-Khreshchatytska, then either the Paton Bridge or the Metro bridge…

B: How do you get to Naberezhno-Khreshchatytska?

A (puzzled): Uh… well, via Elektrikiv, I guess…

B: There’s construction there!

A (visibly flustered): Okay, then back to Telihy and…

B: You want to take that detour!

A (increasingly agitated): Well, what do you suggest!!

B: Okay, okay, don’t panic—Telihy, then what?

A: And from Telihy to Novokostiantynivska…

B: You can’t turn left there!

A: Then via Frunze…

B: There’ll be traffic!

A: Then…

B: The bridge will collapse!

A: Then…

B: The cops will raid us!

A: Then… then… then… (falls silent, staring at B)

A and B never made it to the store, and after some time, they starved.

P.S. The author has never owned, does not own, and will never own a car, and has no knowledge of traffic regulations whatsoever. The author therefore respectfully requests that no one comment with things like “but you could have turned onto Luhova Street there!”