Life is such a thing that never ceases to amaze me. For example, having left the USSR, the realities there killed any desire I had to even discuss the topic of the Good Tsar and the benefits that, as they say, come from him. I lived under such a tsar and would never go back, even despite the crisis. But what do I see? I see, or rather, hear a mass popular cry of “come and rule over us!” And this surprises me so much that instead of writing about things that are important, necessary, and interesting, I am now writing about such utter nonsense, which, in my opinion, the idea of the Good Tsar is.
I won’t blame anyone for the fact that the Good Tsar grows out of the desire to shirk responsibility—these discussions, as I understand it, lead nowhere. And what’s there—each of us wouldn’t mind having a Good Tsar of our own, who, like Superman, solves our problems. Or at least makes it so that we don’t whine and say that “everything is chaos.” I can dream about this too, but I’ll tell you honestly, I believe in Santa Claus more.
Who Is the Good Tsar?
First, let’s clarify what we’re actually talking about. The Good Tsar, the Strong Hand (for some reason I always want to add—“friend of the Indian”), the Strengthening of the President’s Powers, the Strengthening of Executive Power, as well as their friend the Abolition of Political Reform—these are all different names for the same phenomenon. Its essence lies in the fact that someone is endowed with power and has the right to act as they see fit. This is the phenomenon we will be discussing below.
Let’s immediately note the difference between the Good Tsar and another character called Management Efficiency. Efficiency means “achieving a set goal under conditions of limited resources with minimal costs.” Efficiency exists, as a rule, where goals, means, and resources are defined as clearly as possible. However, this does not mean that the Good Tsar cannot act efficiently. He can. It’s just that one needs to determine from the very beginning what type of management we are dealing with.
Good Tsars Already Rule the World
I included this chapter specifically to draw attention to the following fact—yes, indeed, most nations have already preferred Good Tsars over any other form of governance. If we look at the political map of the world, we will see that in the overwhelming majority of states, such good tsars who love their people with all their might are sitting. Though the overlap between states ruled by Good Tsars and states that are prosperous and stable is remarkably small. This overlap is so rare that it gives one pause. However, I understand that other people’s experience is no guide for anyone, and therefore, with a persistence that could be better applied elsewhere, I will continue reasoning. Actually, the purpose of these reflections is some virtual rake. It seems to me that before stepping on real rakes, it wouldn’t hurt to try doing so virtually. Although, maybe I am wrong.
Three Questions on the Topic
Let’s step back from abstract things (although I believe that everything rests precisely on them), let’s forget about all those “rights,” “dignity,” and other “romanticism” and reason about the subject rationally. That is, let’s reason not just about the “probability of dictatorship”—such probability always exists—but think about what conditions must be met for it to be beneficial. After all, people want not just a dictator, but a “correct” one who would heal everyone and everything. For convenience, let’s assume that in all other places where Good Tsars have already appeared, they are not correct.
Let’s break this down into several questions. Let me propose we answer these: where will the Good Tsar come from? What will he do (should do)? And a question that sounds somewhat strange to some—what will he use to do what he should?
What?
Let’s start with what the Good Tsar should do to make things good. There are no clear answers here. “Establish order” is not an answer. I’m sitting here surrounded by something that other hardworking women would consider utter chaos. But I navigate it perfectly, and this “chaos” is much more convenient for me than a situation where “everything is in its place.” That is, not only do people have different ideas about what order looks like, but also what it’s supposed to accomplish. However, I’m even willing to agree that someone will come and say: here, here, and here things need to be changed for the Common Good. Fine. Let’s say I like the Common Good and I’m ready to make sacrifices. The question, though, is that no such reasonable plan exists yet. And this despite the fact that everyone here considers themselves a political expert and expresses themselves in this field. Right now I read a lot of what these self-appointed experts write and propose. I read grand ideas from those who suffered from credit. I read overly verbose manifestos of the proletariat (this is the manifesto of the proletariat, not the middle class, if anyone hasn’t figured it out yet). And here’s what I have to say: 90% of all this is complete nonsense.
To avoid getting bogged down in the basics, I’ll say that I will not address the substantive part of this nonsense here. That is, the specific measures these people propose—like banning dollar circulation—I will not discuss. When I say “nonsense,” I mean these proposals are nonsensical on their own terms. All these ideas are fundamentally naive. They’re appeals to the heavens. These are proposals from the Heavenly Chancellery for further improvement, deepening, and expansion of us sinners. Therefore, a Dictator, a Good Tsar, and even the Abolition of Political Reform, who are subjective to the max, such plans simply won’t do by definition. Let me explain. A child who hysterically demands chocolate is most likely demanding not chocolate but attention. The same applies to proposals like banning the dollar. That is, they’re convinced that if the dollar is banned, then… maybe their dollar credits will be forgiven or… they’ll be pitied somehow else…
However, I admit that somewhere out there there may be deeply covert future Good Tsars who know what to do. I agree, such a probability exists. However, two essential requirements cannot be avoided.
First. The Good Tsar must have a good understanding of what’s happening and have a Detailed Plan even before he becomes the Good Tsar.
Second. Such a plan inevitably encroaches on someone’s interests. Well, for example, mine. Right now we simply note these positions, without discussing how insignificant my interests are.
From Where?
Now let’s return to practical matters. The Good Tsar must somehow obtain his power to do whatever he wants. There are two paths to this. The first is an armed uprising of the proletariat, the second is elections. I propose we forget about elections, because we’ve already established that the Good Tsar must have a Plan. If such a Plan is real, then it is unpopular. This is an axiom that even the most hardcore supporters of the Good Tsar acknowledge. Moreover, elections mean the Tsar’s dependence on voters, or clans, or Russians, or Americans, or Martians. Everyone knows this too. There’s always the option to deceive everyone, pretend to be a teapot during elections, and then—oops!—do everything as it should be. But supporters of this option forget that “deceive” and “do as it should be” are not cause and effect. That is, yes, we’re always deceived after elections—and nothing happens. But this happens because none of the winners actually challenge the Evil Forces. They deceive each other there and us with you. But we’re talking about the Good Tsar. That is, with his Plan, he will inevitably have to enter into battle with the Evil Forces, well, at least with me. Let’s imagine that he won the elections, wrote his Plan on a piece of paper so he wouldn’t forget, and began Vanquishing the Evil Forces. For this (since he won the elections), he first needs to consolidate resources. Well, there, the army, the militia. Do you really think that the Evil Forces won’t stir up and start asking “why do you need that?” And won’t put sticks in the wheels? And won’t behave indecently? And that the Good Tsar, in the end, will end up alone?
No, the Good Tsar elected through elections is nonsense. You’ll say, but what about Hitler? That’s right, Hitler is our everything, that’s the true ideal of the Good Tsar, however, I’ll note the amazing unity of the German nation in that story. They didn’t have Donetsk, Crimea, and Galicia there with their own “geopolitical priorities.”
All in all, the armed uprising option remains. Well, that’s a very real possibility. Let’s note for further reasoning the inevitable circumstances of such an action. First—the prospect of a small war, external intervention, and suppression of the Good Tsar by Evil Forces from outside. Second—the prospect of civil war. Third (and most dangerous)—the influence of his Comrades on the Good Tsar. It’s inevitable, especially if we’re talking about a little war. You’ll agree that it’s unlikely the Good Tsar will have equally impeccable Comrades. Note that such influence of the Comrades occurs even in peacetime, and it is very strong. Just look at Viktor Andriyovych there. When they call you by your first and patronymic name all day and happily laugh at your dumb jokes, it’s easy to forget about the Great Plan. Oh, and there are also constant quarrels among the Comrades themselves. What a job… And after all, our time is wartime, not peacetime. No one knows how it will end. Therefore, thoughtless decisions will be made often by the Comrades. And a lot. Accordingly, popularity will fall, well, generally, you understand what I mean.
With What?
Well, fine then. Let’s say all this is nonsense. Now, actually, the main question—but what will the Good Tsar use? Well, Pinochet had an army. We kind of have one too, but it’s not that kind of army. In Latin America, as you know, the army is something else entirely. That is, there it is initially an independent political actor. Hence Pinochet. The “Asian tigers” have a different story—there it’s about culture and discipline. That is, if you suddenly become the Good Tsar, everyone just agrees with this and nobody argues. They may poison you, yes. But they won’t argue. For us, everything is different. For us, everyone around is a boss and a potential Good Tsar. Just everyone.
However, this isn’t even the main point. The main thing is that the Good Tsar won’t be able to do everything himself. He will need officials. And this is the main problem. It only seems that officials will follow orders. No, that’s not why they got there. If a bribe of 150 thousand dollars is given for the position of unpaid judge’s assistant, then it’s worth thinking about what they’re actually doing there. In general, no Good Tsar will accomplish anything if he doesn’t understand how things really work. And no one does.
So, let’s assess. The real, ideal, kosher Good Tsar must:
- be covert;
- have a clear and adequate plan;
- obtain power not through elections;
- avoid civil war in the process;
- have the ability to literally execute his own decisions, have tools to pressure the state;
- fully control his comrades;
- have reliable feedback from society, information about what’s actually happening.
Ah, yes, I almost forgot. Well, what if everything worked out, but the Good Tsar simply died? What then? Start all over again. I, of course, understand that some, like Fidel, never die. But there aren’t many of those, after all.
No, no matter how you slice it, Santa Claus seems more real.